The Mortgage Mole

Boot boys

Those Mortgage Express lads don&#39t half whip up a storm – especially on the football pitch. Mole hears that confidence within MEX&#39s inhouse squad is now so high that they&#39ve challenged any lender or broker team who fancy their chances after smashing a woeful side from SPML 3-0. MEX&#39s finest dominated the match and although they had three goals disallowed, still saw Ben Jackson netting two and Declan O&#39Leary belting in the clincher.

Porn free

Mole&#39s always taken a keen interest in pornography and even more so after Bank of Scotland revealed it was partial to financing the odd top shelf acquisition. So imagine Mole&#39s delight last week at meeting some of the industry&#39s brightest stars courtesy of one (at least for the time being) unnamed lender. Step forward Candy White, Bubbles Osbourne, Lips Wanton and, er, Dobson. Of course, Mole would never reveal the true identity of this little grouping – suffice to say that the sparks were flying in the capital last week.

Booze brothers

There comes a time when we all lose our marbles. Step forward John Malone! Mole called the maestro last week as he was taking in the delights of Prague with none other than the Italian Stallion himself, Charcol&#39s Walter Avrili. It seems Walt had suggested sampling the local absinthe and now Malone was fast losing the plot.

“Robyn Hall was director of the BBC, then leader of the Conservative party,” he slurred, “And Michael Bolton was his finance director.”

“You heard it here first,” barked Avrili, “The Godfather is an eejit!” Ray stays

Oh those April Fools – as if Ray Boulger could leave Charcol. Yet my gag was enough to get Hampton&#39s Kevin Duffy, BM Solutions Matt Grayson, Bristol & West&#39s Deirdre McManus and John Malone all on the blower within minutes of Mole&#39s cheeky text message (sorry Ray).

And over at one-man RCH Communications, a stunned Richard Hurst had at least 20 emails from interested parties after a message from the Mortgage Strategy website announced he had plans to launch offices in Hong Kong, Tokyo and New York.

The truth at last

Now Mole&#39s always held firm to the belief that Elvis was a visionary in the world of mortgage compliance. After all, it&#39s a well-known fact that his popular ditty All shook up was in fact a pre-emptive vision of N4. And now, as you can see from these exclusive snaps, Mole presents the first ever real proof that the King is alive and well, living in Teeside (just outside Darlington in fact), and posing as em-financial&#39s Roger Morris.