Mortgage Mole

Monaco tax haven, playground of the rich and shameless, home of Monte Carlo, the Grand Prix and…MS editor Robyn Hall. Well, at least for the most part of last week, having been forced to spend three days at the luxurious Hermitage Hotel for the annual Bankhall sales conference. Arduous by anyone’s standards but made more difficult for Hall having been mugged just days earlier and left bereft of plastic. “”It was agony,”” the boss confessed to Mole. “”Gucci, Prada, Louis…they were all there but I couldn’t go anywhere near them.””

Sum people Things went from bad to worse when the hapless hack met the Not-So Solid Crew of BM Solutions at the Dauphin Verd Bar in Monte Carlo’s plush marina. Poor (literally) Hall turned up to meet the BMS boys and true to form promptly ordered one beer – only to be left picking up the tab for 25 previously ordered pints of for the princely sum of £175 cash! Fortunately for Hall that old Maloning git was soon on hand slash the bill in two by a backwards means of apology. “”It was nice of BMS’ new head of sales Martin Reynolds to offer to pay,”” Hall piped up to Mole. “”But John Malone thought it best we share the burden ourselves.”” Bless.

Captain’s orders
There are yachts and there are Bankhall yachts. At least five of the muthas were berthed in Monte Carlo’s exclusive marinas last Wednesday night for the group’s cocktail reception. With champagne flowing freely, Mole thought it wouldn’t be long until a delegate walked the plank. But on the night, the only pirates impression came from BMS’ own hearty sales Captain Martin Reynolds, still unsteady after knee surgery earlier this year. Spotted hobbling along the poop, one guest chirped up: “”All he needs is a parrot and he’ll really be sailing out the orders.”” early words And so to the conference itself in the salubrious environs of the Sporting Club of Monaco. A cruel 8am start had Mole crawling out of the burrow all too early but an enjoyable session from Messrs Peter Mann and Paul Hogarth blew the cobwebs away. Then Halifax Intermediaries sales director Alan Cleary gave his enlightening views on the housing market – to which regulation has made a “”zero contribution””. And a zero contribution to the panel debate that followed? Good old Captain Black Country. Chirp.

Sales in the sunset
No sales bash would be complete without an awards ceremony and congrats to Mortgage Options whichclinched Bankhall’s top broker gong – though Mole recommends clothing remains on until after the event (more next week). And then a firework display more expensive than Michael Bolton’s long lost marketing budget left Mole, for once, lost for words…”