The Mortgage Mole

No chance

Newbie hackette Leah Milner was given the ultimate initiation into the mortgage world last week when she was led astray by industry movers and shakers who invited her to A popular venue that hosts movers and shakers of a different kind. A lender who shall remain anonymous, took the reporter of hitherto unblemished character to the silicone-enhanced, leopard-print extravaganza that is Spearmint Rhino. “Journalism college left me wholly unprepared for this experience,” Leah confided to Mole. “They even tried to buy me a dance, but I’m a nice girl.”


Over to London’s Grosvenor House Hotel for another awards bash and GMAC-RFC director of marketing Jeff Knight was keen to try out a new look. He insisted on borrowing hackette Leah’s vampish red lipstick at the end of the evening. Not to be outdone, BM Solutions’ Tim Hague asked to borrow the lipstick too. Knight was understandably protective of his look, but in the spirit of cross-dressing camaraderie, he planted a smacker on Hague’s cheek, who then proudly sported the lipstick mark for the remainder of the night.

Naked truth
Coventry’s new soft porn subsidiary Godiva Mortgages wooed journalists with chocolates and “artistic” representations of naked ladies on horses with its introductory press pack last week. Thanks to a helpful factsheet, Mole now knows plenty about Coventry’s history. Apparently the phrase ‘peeping Tom’ was coined when a local tailor disobeyed Lady Godiva’s order that everyone in the town should close their curtains as she rode naked through the streets.

The white stuff
Lenders are not exactly queuing up to offer drug-shamed Pete Doherty and Kate Moss a deal as they look to get a shared mortgage for a 5m mansion in Primrose Hill, London. Although the couple may be able to get themselves a great joint income deal, Mole worries that only Kate will be able to keep up the payments, as her wayward partner spends up on white goods.

The cheek
Following our dramatic revelation that PMS’s Steven Atkins, John Malone’s second in command at Premier Mortgage Service, was poisoned by polonium-210 after staying in the same hotel as Alexander Litvinenko, it was left to the Sunday Express to splash the so-called exclusive as its front page story on March 18 in which Atkins was “breaking his silence for the first time”. “Mortgage Strategy got the first bite and the Sunday Express went rather OTT with it. “But I got £700 which will cover the insurance premiums.”