The Mortgage Mole

PAYNEFULWith Mole off to sunny Spain for the annual Mortgage Summit in Jerez, there were bound to be hiccups from the outset. And none more so than for Halifax’s Edward Payne who was due to fly out with the Summit sponsors on the 7.15am flight from Stansted on Tuesday morning.

They say the early bird catches the worm and Payne, being the eager soul that he is, had driven down from Bristol the night before to be prepared for the 5am start. That would have been worth it except for the fact he didn’t have his passport with him. A mad dash to Bristol and back and Payne made it in time for the afternoon flight with the rest of the mob – just.

FLYING STARTWith all but one of the sponsors aboard the sun-bound flight it was left to Strategy publisher Patrick Ponsford to set the tone for the flight – he promptly bought the first beer at 7.50am. “The steward didn’t have any change and all I had was notes,” Ponsford told Mole. Meanwhile back at Stansted airport, delegates had started to arrive for the afternoon flight and it was HBOS again that let the side down, and none other than managing director of intermediaries Nigel Stockton. Just like the Payne before him, he forgot his passport.

“I was gutted that Nigel wasn’t there as he was a panellist of mine and was in line for a real Spanish Inquisition,” Hamptons’ Kevin Duffy told Mole. “From now on I’ll call him Jermain Defoe – we all wish he’d been on the plane but he wasn’t.”

OLD JOKEDelegates and staff travelling to the Summit may not all be angels but Mole can reveal that at least nobody had a criminal record for football-related crime. Jetting to Jerez on the same day England squared up to Sweden meant Stansted was swarming with coppers doing checks on all males aged 18 to 45.

Lending Strategy ad supremo John Forsdick was even more annoyed after a certain Strategy hackette piped up: “Don’t worry John, at least you look over 45.”

TANNERMole was shocked to learn that MoneyQuest’s Steve Pollard never steps out of his house without a bottle of baby oil.

It seems our man from north of the border has a penchant for the slippery stuff but before avid readers start to suspect him of porno tendencies Mole should point out he says he uses the oil to help tan his pale Scottish skin. Likely story.

BIG TALKSenoritas at the Summit saw a certain HIP industry icon in a completely new light after he revealed he is well equipped in the trouser department.
Following Peter Beaumont’s com-ments about US banks’ “big swinging dick” attitude, LMS head honcho Andy Knee reputedly whispered to one beauty: “The ladies had better watch out for my big swinging dick.”