The Mortgage Mole

Who knows

Mole was stunned by an FSA spokesperson last week. In need of a quote to accompany St Michael of Bolton&#39s comments on non-conforming loans, Mole rang the FSA press office and was dumbfounded by the spokeswoman&#39s reply. “What is a non-conforming loan?” she asked Mole, who nearly choked on his Bovril. FSA staff may be busy people but Mole suggests they give their own consultation papers an occasional scan.


It seems Mole isn&#39t the only one who needs glasses in this industry. While doing the rounds at the Mortgage Expo, Mole noticed that the Blemain Group had the brilliant idea of promoting its adverse lending with the slogan &#39The Good, the Bad and the Ugly&#39 while staff paraded around in Wild West kit. Surely, this was bound to upset Bristol & West which used the same slogan to market its own sub-prime deals? But Mole was even more flabbergasted to find B&W hadn&#39t even noticed Blemain&#39s publicity stunt – considering their stands were right next to each other.

Bush off

Not content with rooting out Al Qaeda it seems George Bush has started to meddle in the affairs of the UK mortgage industry. Mole was looking forward to posh pre-Christmas drinks last week with those nice chaps from Alliance & Leicester only to find the gig cancelled at the last minute.

“We feel it sensible to postpone the Alliance & Leicester drinks evening,” A&L chairman John Windeler told Mole. “The event was due to be held at the Sainsbury Wing of the National Gallery in Trafalgar Square. There are now plans for a demonstration to take place in Trafalgar Square concerning the visit of US President George Bush. There is every chance that it will cause significant disruption at the time our event was due to start. We decided the sensible course of action is to reschedule our drinks evening for a later date.”

Get a Round

Confirmation has arrived that mortgages are indeed the new rock and roll. Word gets back that after last week&#39s NACFB gala dinner, three members of The Money Centre were still going strong at the Holiday Inn hotel bar at a shocking 7am. In line for Mole&#39s future liver transplant award, Mike Woodfine, Hannah Harvey and Katie Jackson were asked to leave by bar staff to make way for breakfast service. The hardcore posse were up wide eyed and bushy tailed to attend Mortgage Expo at 9am.

Old joke

Octoganarian Bruce Forsyth was given a helping hand by his gorgeous wife on Thursday as he shakily descended the stairs of the National History Museum to present a certain downmarket publication&#39s so-called awards. However, it appears such assistance ends at the bedroom as 75 year old Brucie then went on to regale the audience with a heart-warming tale of his attempts to seduce a 21 year old. How the missus laughed.