Own-label mineral water for the FSA while firms drown

When I visited the FSA’s gleaming offices in Canary Wharf recently I was agog at the opulence before my eyes.

The regulator even has its own-label bottled water, available sparkling or still. So the secret’s out – this is what we’re paying for. Obviously, tap water is not good enough for these fine people.

Income and profits at my firm have never been so bad in 11 years of trading. Our business levels have fallen so we have tightened our belts and cut our costs. And what is our reward for this prudence? Our fees are raised.

So farewell Hector Sants, outgoing chief executive officer of the regulator. I wonder what your next job will be – Humpty Dumpty, maybe?