The Mortgage Mole

Drama Queen
Mole has learned that Mortgage Strategy newcomer Luci Mylward has been hiding an acting past. Seems our hackette auditioned for the role of Izzy in glossy teen soap Hollyoaks, known for its kinky on and off-screen dramas.

“I could be a celebrity right now and have my own calendar,” Mylward sighed to Mole. “But at least there seems to be just as much kinky drama in the world of mortgages.”

Off Yer Bike
City Mod James Rodea, managing director of Cluttons Private Finance, has sadly been dewheeled. The moped-riding broker had been singing the praises of his scooter all summer.

Economical, cool to ride, many will remember the list of plusses went on and on. Unfortunately security is a big minus. Rodeo had the bike stolen three times in five weeks. The first time he was alerted by police at 4am that it had been abandoned on an estate. London’s finest promptly left it there and 10 minutes before our man arrived, it was stolen again – by the same people! The third time, the bike was torched. While he could claim on the insurance, Rodea says he’s had enough.

“My scootering days are over,” he confessed to Mole. “From now on it’s four wheels all the way. Car or bus.”

Hot Leads
Mole hears hostilities broke out at the Expo among some lead generation firms. First, rivals Estate Angels and Leadbay tried to trip up Vanessa Blount, head of Paaleads.com, during her presentation.

The next day, industry sources say Blount was seen physically removing two armfuls of Leadbay fliers from the lecture auditorium before her presentation, apparently accidentally left in there by her rivals.

Gagging
More from the Vaudeville Golfing Society’s 76th annual dinner earlier this month, hosted by captain and almost famous person Jack Mayes and Hairy Harry.

Mole, guesting with Kevin and his table of Friends, was most impressed on the evening, with the rib-ticklers flying thick and fast. With the air raunchier than a Swedish rabbit and fast turning bluer than a baboon’s arse, Mole was soon in stitches. Alas there’s not many of the gags Mole can relate here without being sued for libel. But at least we’ll try.

What do you call a two-legged horse? Clip.

My wife was at home cooking a curry and the lid kept on coming up. I said: “That’s not curry, it’s Peking duck…”

I was walking down the street and a tramp asked: “Any change, sir?” I said: “No, still got the big house and the Ferarri…”

Mole is getting his coat.