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The Mortgage Mole

Big Daddy

Those of you who have had compliance visits from the MCCB will know how keen it is to keep brokers on the straight and narrow. But now Mole can exclusively reveal the true extent of the body&#39s secret intelligence network. I hear that one Friends Provident manager in Salisbury got quite a shock after handing a draft copy of a letter to the regulator to the office temp.

“Oh, my Dad does something for them,” came the response from the undergrad. The father in question? None other than MCCB chief executive Luke March!

Buzzer

Mole hears that the most radioactive house in Britain has gone on sale despite having 40 times higher than normal levels of plutonium in its garden. Mole is sure that an enterprising estate agent will turn this into a key selling point of the £200,000 five-bed Berkshire des res. “This property radiates charm”, perhaps? Meanwhile, in the aftermath of last week&#39s Resolve &#39terrorist scare&#39 TMO was quick to launch a damage limitation exercise. The packager emailed its brokers soon after the event saying “all hell has broken out” after one silly broker spilled the powder and panicked. The email asked brokers to refer enquiries to the marketing department.

Mole wonders how any broker that doesn&#39t recognise a hangover treatment instantly can be doing their job properly and recommends stiff drinks all round.

High points

News reached Mole last week of a new &#39concept airline&#39 for the mortgage industry&#39s golfers with an interest in &#39well-endowed&#39 young ladies. Hooters, the US restaurant chain that features waitresses clad in small shirts and even smaller hotpants (don&#39t worry Carole, we&#39re not printing pictures), and once featured in these august columns, has bought a small regional carrier. It aims to launch Hooters Air for golfers, although it is not clear to what extent this will involve the brand&#39s top attractions. No obvious passengers from the mortgage world spring to mind but suggestions are welcome.

Bird-brains

Last week&#39s letter protesting at pics of scantily-clad women lowering the tone of this highbrow publication has drawn plenty of comment from red-blooded readers, ranging from the outraged (see Letters, page 9) to the frankly silly.

“I have no problem with looking at women in bras. Get a life”, Ivor Handfull of Tunbridge Wells said. Others went on in the “Lighten-up, love – and put the kettle on while you&#39re about it” vein.

So, following last week&#39s heart-throb Danny Murphy and in the interests of equality and unbiased journalism, as championed by The Sun&#39s new boss, Rebekah Wade, feel free to feast your eyes on our pic of a male model. It&#39s only fair.

Ex-Arsenal striker and now all-purpose celeb, Ian Wright promotes online venture rightmove.co.uk. Printable captions only to the usual address “Jim, no matter how hard you squeeze my hand , it&#39s not my job to lower the base rate anymore.” From Peter Raeburn, mortgage consultant, Hitchin Mortgage Services, Connells, Herts There comes a time when everyone does something a little foolish that they want to keep quiet. However, we prefer it when the world knows and Mortgage Strategy is offering you the opportunity to share your colleagues&#39 finest hours by publishing any photographic evidence you have. Whoever submits the best caption wins a jeroboam of bubbly – that&#39s four bottles worth a whopping £125 – courtesy of Sun Bank. You should know by now that the editor&#39s decision is unfair but it is final. Email your entries to mortgage.strategy@centaur.co.uk

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