The Mortgage Mole

Smoke alarm

Payam &#39I&#39m not the PA&#39 Azadi certainly seems to be settling in at packager Mortgage Times. He transferred from Network Data late last month and with offices near MS Towers, Payam is now a regular visitor to Mole&#39s watering burrow. But Mole fears that the man could be suffering temporary cashflow problems. “Have you got a fag for me and Ron?” he spluttered. “One for me now and one for me later on.” Mole coughed up. Again.


Mole hears that Kate Jardine from Dunfermline&#39s commercial lending department spent an afternoon last week with Tinkerbell, a 26-stone tiger shark, and friends to raise funds for a local charity. Aussie Jardine is an accomplished scuba diver but strangely says she prefers her native country&#39s warm, blue seas to the icy grey depths of the Firth of Forth.

Joining her in the water for Mole&#39s exclusive photo (below) were the society&#39s general manager HR Alan Mitchell and the rector of a local high school, whose pupils offered their support by betting – but unfortunately for them, the dive took place on Friday and the sharks are fed on Thursdays.


With the days counting down to the anniversary of the Immaculate Conception and industry Godfather John Malone&#39s 60th birthday (note the coincidence), Mole was sorry to hear some rather depressing news. Seems that poor John just misses out on the government&#39s £200 winter fuel allowance by a whisker.

“I&#39m buggered,” he confessed to Mole. “Had my 60th been on the other side of September 15 I would have qualified. I was counting on that bonus. That&#39s it – there&#39ll be no Christmas present for the wife this year.” Donations via Mole are welcome at the usual address.

Self interest

Mortgage Expo takes place this week and of particular interest will be the speech being given by St Michael of Bolton. “I&#39m down as talking about sub-prime but there&#39s not a chance I&#39m not going to mention self-cert,” he said defiantly to Mole.

Mole would also like to point out that signed copies of this column and mag plus other goodies are available on stand C69. Those seeking Mole should head to the nearest bar.

Be afraid

Mole regrets to report that paranoia stalks his rivals. A charming wine tasting last week was befouled by the abusive antics of one lame and balding hack from Mortgage Solutions. Having enjoyed the generosity of hosts HML, the journos withdrew to a nearby pub. As star reporter Thickett was settling down with his pint, he faced a shocking attack by reporter Ed Mint. No sooner had he branded Thickett a giraffe than he set about accusing Strategy of being “out to get him”. Mint, we are now.