The Mortgage Mole

Digging the dirt in the mortgage world

True Ability
Delegates at the Council of Mortgage Lenders’ funding conference last week nearly missed hearing one of its key speeches when Toni Moss, partner at EuroCatylist, managed to lock herself in a hotel toilet. Texas-born Moss was eventually freed by the concierge but in her rush to make it to the conference she managed to leave her script in the hotel room. “As if getting stuck in the bathroom wasn’t bad enough,” she ‘fessed up to Mole. “It happened to be the disabled toilet.”

Running Totals
John Wriglesworth’s performance in last week’s New York Mar-athon proves that indulging in copious amounts of Merlot doesn’t have to have an adverse effect on your sporting performance. The day before, the PR gnu was seen guzzling red wine with ice, seemingly unconcerned about the forthcoming race. However, Mole is pleased to announce that not only did Wrigsy make it to the finish line but it took less than six hours. Even more impressive, David Bitner finished the race in four hours and five minutes thanks to a strenuous training schedule (see picture below). And best of all, Intelligence Finance’s Brian Ewing defied expectations and finished in less than six hours and was New York’s MVP on the day. Details next week.

Loose Talk
Two of Mortgage Strategy’s hacks got a taste of their own medicine last week while stalking Soho looking for locals to answer the infamous Word on the Street question. ITV’s X-Factor approached Nicolette Botbol and new hack Lee Jones to be interviewed for ITV2 spin-off Extra-Factor. Being avid fans of the reality TV show the pair happily obliged, only later to regret their loose tongues. “I hope my boyfriend doesn’t see the show,” Bobble confided to Mole. “I don’t think he’ll be too impressed to hear me lusting over all the male contestants.”

Rubber dub dub
Jagshemash! While wrestling his editor naked and armed only with a rubber sex aid, Kazakstan’s second-best reporter Borat Sagdiyev finds himself in the middle of an American mortgage broker’s annual prize giving. Such homoerotic horseplay hasn’t been seen by a congregation of brokers since Mike Fitzgerald puckered up to Roger Morris at Mortgage Strategy’s fifth birthday party. Thankfully, during the latter event both men remained clothed although it isn’t known if any rubber aids were involved.

Name Game
The great and the good from the Yorkshire recently confessed to Mole what they thought of rival mutual Norwich Union. According to PR master David Holmes, the name is no less than an acronym – (K)Nickers Off Ready When I Come Home. Not for the first time Mole declines to comment but suggests other lenders might also have ‘alternative’ names. How about Evangelic Demigods Earn Unspecified Salaries?