The Mortgage Mole

Celebrity stalker and MS hackette Natalie was at it again last week at the London premiere of Pride and Prejudice. Having rushed to Leicester Square after work, Natalie stood for two and a half hours waiting to see her Mr Darcy only to find that, when the great man arrived plumb in the centre of her viewfinder – the batteries in her camera had run out. Distraught, Natalie batted her eyelids at a kindly BBC cameraman standing close by, who offered to cut down one of the movie’s display signs for her as a consolation prize.

A beaming Natalie then carted her three-foot cardboard display poster on public transport for a very long two hours. Natalie admits: “I got a few funny looks, but I was happy.”

Conference. Jerez. Andy Montlake, partner at Cobalt Capital. Say no more.

There was no “EaZy” option in Jerez for Mortgage 2000 managing director Sean Hornsby. The industry’s seasoned fag hag was last seen hunting down every single pack of Marlboro 100s in the back streets of the Spanish resort.

One delegate revealed to Mole: “Sean is a pro when it comes to hunting down fags. But then, what would you expect from someone who has a invested his pension and life savings in Gallagher?”

Mole was left a little confused in Jerez last week on hearing that the RBS group wants to barnstorm the equity release market. Talk about shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted. But at least Mole did benefit from the keen observation powers of Network Data’s managing director Richard Griffiths.

He quipped: “Never mind The One account, before you know it, they’ll start calling it the last account.”

Organisers of the Jerez shindig were keen that guest of honour, former prominent Conservative MP Michael Portillo, was kept appropriately entertained.

With that in mind, having retired outside for a glass of champagne after his keynote speech, Mole asked Portillo which of the Tory leadership contenders he thought was in with the best chance.

Showing the process is boring the pants off simply everyone, Portillo responded with resounding: “Who cares?”

The day after the conference, departing from the 15th at the luxurious Montecastillo Golf resourt in Jerez, Platform’s Richard Beardshaw managed to write off his super charged turbo golf buggy – leaving Mortgage Strategy publisher Patrick Ponsford to foot the bill. “It was an accident,” one passenger confessed to Mole, “At least he won’t get any points on his licence.” Hmm.