The mortgage mole

Mamma Mia

Mole and his other riverbank chums decked themselves out in blonde wigs and lycra bellbottoms and were treated to a night out at Mamma Mia, the West End musical based on the rare talents of ABBA. Our sequinned hosts were Hamptons International and Square Mile Mortgage Finance. One broker confessed that he had only been out with journalists on one other occasion in the past 12 months and that was with one of Mole&#39s Mortgage Strategy colleagues. “It was a nice lunch,” he confided, “but that Ben Stafford&#39s certainly out for what he can get, isn&#39t he?” Mole was understandably outraged at such a slur against a member of his profession and had to drink vast amounts of champagne before he calmed down.

Pest control

Mole hears that one mortgage adviser&#39s home suffered £20,000 worth of damage just hours before it was due to be sold – because two cans of flea spray exploded. A wall collapsed, windows shattered, holes were made in the ceiling and a door was blown 20 yards off its hinges. Thankfully, Yorkshire-based broker Nicola Hawkins, her husband and two daughters all escaped injury. The flea spray aerosol cans had been packed in a box on the hob, which Moles hears was accidentally left on. The new owners have still moved in, but have had to slightly readjust their decorating budget.

Pretty in Pink

Mole was privy to some rather disturbing news about Pink&#39s very own David Copland the other day. Turns out the packager&#39s sales director was known to sport pink leather trousers in the mid-1980s under the delusion that they were in some way fashionable. Topped off with a gold stud earring, Copland was commonly referred to as Bet Lynch while working at the Prestwich branch of Britannia BS. Mole has been assured that Pink&#39s senior management were totally unaware of this behaviour and that David was successfully reintegrated into society shortly before joining Pink. But my source at Pink says Copland still has a penchant for 1980s dress and Spandau Ballet make-up. “His dress sense has nothing to do with the company,” he told me. “David always ensures that dress-down Friday is a source of amusement. He&#39s been known to take a donkey with him on holiday to carry his toilet bag.” Blimey. You try getting a mule through customs.

He&#39d eaten carrots too

David Short, corporate account manager at Mortgages PLC, probably wished it was Short by name short by nature last week when a blotto BR passenger vomited all over his head. Short was forced to hold up the (previously) white flag and return home before making a second attempt to get to PLC&#39s Victoria offices. After brushing himself down and boarding the return train to St Albans, who should get onto the train but the drunk himself! Mole thinks Short deserves credit for his restraint in not clobbering the vomiting vagrant but calling home to request a hosepipe washdown from Mrs Short in front of his neighbours. The state of our railways is indeed sickening.

This week&#39s photo: It&#39s murder to get on decent seat on the Orient Express but Verso&#39s Eddie Smith and The Mortgage Partnership&#39s John Mawdsley seem to have managed it